Perihal hati dan Pemiliknya

Aku mau mengingatkan kita perihal hati dan Pemiliknya yang jangan sampai terlupakan apalagi dipisahkan.

     Bahkan seorang ibu saja tidak bisa mengklaim hati anaknya adalah miliknya.

    Bahkan seorang guru harus kerap kali diingatkan untuk mengajar dengan hati—atau muridnya akan sukar menelan ilmu—tanpa memaksa hati mereka harus selaras, sebab yang mampu menggerakkan hati tetaplah Ia seorang.

    Sedikit kuselipkan pula benih tema discreet di beberapa penggalan puisi prosa dalam buku pertamaku. Kisah-kisah yang tampak berjarak itu pada akhirnya berpadu dalam satu pemahaman yang sama; bahwa hati manusia tak pernah sungguh menjadi miliknya sendiri, melainkan senantiasa kembali pada Pemiliknya.

no, we will never be ‘us’ wholly if we do not first obey Him
i shut down the light for a return to something truer, clearer, and that is His only.  

- in lieu of sorrow, november goes painfully sweet (58) 

 

cause it’s all ridiculous. this is ridiculous. what am i even doing? wasting time, disrupting my prayers, unsettling my peace. none of this makes sense. people, in the end, can’t betray their true nature. i always feel like throwing up when i see others like this. and seeing me taking the role of the stranger were ten times more revolting.  

- two different worlds (70) 

 

she spoke of faith, of duty, of divinity that bound her to something she cannot—will not betray. and he, the wretched heretic, had been the storm that threatened to unbind her from heaven. how had he dared? 
    he had been real—too real, spoke of love with the recklessness of a man who clashed with the quiet devotion she had built herself around. their convictions ran in opposite directions, and she grew weary of trying to meet in the middle.  

- the elegy of ash and devotion (72)

 

whenever i hear latest news about my friends, acquaintances, or just people in general—about how they met someone, how they started a relationship, how boys and girls, each in their own blissful world, finally found what they thought they needed the most—i think about us. or should i say … i remember you, or that i think about myself a lot?
    i am grateful i got my eyes on someone who doesn’t want me. at least, for now. cause what’s the point of finding someone who equally loves you, in this exact moment of life? hear me out; i am very much against haraam relationships, and i certainly don’t want to get married anytime soon. that explains much, doesn’t it? i cherish the idea of deep connection. i pine for a love that is both altruistic, respectable, and thoughtful—not the one that is solemn and makes you unproductive, unwise and weak. however, just not now.
    then i realized it’s based on no reason i keep choosing this bitter position. this hurtful reality— keep choosing you as my anchor. i stand in the right place, gripping firmly onto the balance that keeps me from stumbling, from joining those who drift. it horrifies me to imagine myself among the blind, among the lost. so, “i’m glad it is you whom i chose to love.” i’m glad i know you.
    is my belief in this rational—my decision to stay in the first stop—truly based on reason? or is it secretly fed by false hope that you might realize someday? of that, i truly am not sure either. but i do know this; i cannot imagine you falling for me, wholly and deeply
    dearest, i cannot even think of you in any way that would make me blush. you are too precious and clean, honorable and fine, untouchable and far. i would never forgive myself if i thought of you without any decency and propriety.  

- between longing and resolve (83)

Kita gak boleh lupa bahwa segala kegundahan pun kebahagiaan fana di dunia ini hanya titipan dari-Nya. Aku tidak ingin karya pertamaku diingat sebagai tulisan melankolis tentang sesuatu yang disebabkan oleh sesama makhluk ciptaan-Nya tanpa penghayatan sejati. Maka aku selipkan pesan bermakna lebih; menaruh harap paling layak akan cinta-Nya semata, kembali pada-Nya. Dan, iya, aku dapat curahan ambisi tersebut juga setelah membaca buku puisi 'Ternyata Tanpamu ...' karyanya kak Aca [Goodreads]. Thanks a lot buat yang udah minjemin bukunya ;)